I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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