Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
