u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just google imaged poop.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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