i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
