No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
