is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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