U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
no, he came in my armpit
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
