My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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