I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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