I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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