She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
