No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
