i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
