Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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