In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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