just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
