My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize