no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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