Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Welp...herpes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
