1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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