Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
