i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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