She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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