Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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