i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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