According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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