Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
