all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
