Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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