Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
