Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
