I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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