we're chasing vodka with high fives
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
