Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
