if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My penis needs a shock collar
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
