I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
