): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
