I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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