I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
