i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
