I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
