You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
