My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
