I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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