I can tuck mytits in my pants
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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