I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
