Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
