um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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