I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
this boner is exhausting
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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