Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
