im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
