Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
