Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
