im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
