I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
