Im at strip club and am horny
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the condom got lost in my hair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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