I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
