OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
