New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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