I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
