I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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