I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
