I swear she didn't look like that last week.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
