my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
